The Bounty Hunter: Take

A lot of people are probably guessing that Jennifer Aniston’s upcoming Rom Com “the Bounty Hunter” is terrible title, terrible premise, and a terrible movie. What those people don’t know is everything.

“The Bounty Hunter” starring Aniston and hunk of the moment Gerard Butler starts out as a cookie cutter story. Butler is a down on his luck hunter of bounties and is surprised to learn that feisty ex-wife Aniston is his latest target. Blah blah blah Mr. and Mrs. Smith. But just as we are gently lulled into a feeling of security screenwriter Sarah Throp (formerly of TV- good for her) puts our head in a trash can and bangs the outside with a fucking pipe wrench in the form of SPACE WARS!!

That’s right. 17 minutes into the movie the whole tepid “bounty hunter” bullshit is thrown out the window as Jupiterians (of Jupiter) invade the lower 48 states and and start killing everyone with marrow in their bones. It’s up to Butler and Aniston to come together and fight these evil monsters for the sake of the human race!

The last third of the movie takes place entirely in the silence of space, a bold move for Sweet Home Alabama director Andy Tennant, forcing his two leads to communicate non-verbally and for the audience to truly learn what those secret looks between lovers are really about.

Sadly, they both die trying to save the lower 48 states. And sadder still, the lower 48 states are also lost to the Jupiterians. Is this a metaphor for the futility of love? Or the devastation that space exploration has wreaked on our economy? Only Frosty Lawson (Racetrack Attendant) knows, and he ain’t telling.


Frosty Lawson.